Michael paces around a bit. He pushes the door closed, more for the 'now no one will walk by and *see* us talking' aspect than anything else.
He keeps pacing, more just wandering, sort of like a caged lion. "First, I should thank you for last night. If I didn't." He blinks and stops for a brief moment. "I needed that, maybe even more than I knew."
He's moving around again, trying not to hit the wall or something. He knows he's probably driving Nick crazy, but he can't stay still.
That's all he says, but his gaze is on the other man. The word says many things. First, that no thanks were necessary. Second, that Michael can do as he likes for his comfort. And lastly...to get to the point.
He picks up a knife and taps it against his fingers, idly. At least he's stopped wandering around.
Looking at the knife and not at Nick, he says, after a breath, "I almost begged you to kiss me last night." He closes his eyes, not that Nick can see that, and holds his breath - it's subconscious, but he realizes it and doesn't exhale immediately.
"Nick, I might have to leave for a while or something. I... I don't know what to do. I can't be around Isabel because it hurts that I can't even touch her. At all. Even just as friends. I swear, if I'd held her much longer the other day, Tom would've tried something."
He shakes his head. "And now, apparently, I can't even be around you without... shit, this is just too hard, Nick. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
He hates that Nick always does that - makes him say shit he doesn't want to say. Fucking vampire. And he doesn't care if Nick can hear it.
Though, this time... "Shit, Nick. I don't even know. Like, last night. I wasn't gonna ask that, but, then you were there and I asked and I hardly realized that I had until you were there, touching me. And... and... I don't know what I would've done if I'd actually asked you to kiss me and you'd done it. Most people who try it get thrown into a wall or decked in the jaw, but, last night..." he sighs and sinks to the floor, almost a boneless heap, but he's still upright-ish. "I almost... and..." he looks up at Nick, "it scared me."
Actually, the fucking was last night, Michael, if you didn't notice...
But Nick's on the ground, eyes soft and arms already around him, nose nuzzling gently along his cheek as he projecting as much soothing, calm emotion as he can.
"Do you want me to kiss you? I'm asking you...and now it's yes or no. Your choice. Your needs."
Michael ignores the snarky comment in his head - no, the one from Nick.
The arms around him are comforting, they would have been with or without the projected emotions.
He swallows hard and leans his head against Nick's. "I don't know." and it's very honest; he doesn't know; he doesn't know if he wants to know. Then, slowly, he nods his head, the rest of his body mostly limp, but he nods against Nick's head. Yes. Please. Just once.
Nick nods and carefully, slowly dips his head to pull Michael into a kiss. It's soft at first, a press of lips, and then he deepens it, sucking delicately on the bottom lip to part them just enough. He kisses him, soft and deep, slow and gentle, with every touch of affection and caring he has for Michael within him.
Michael closes his eyes, being drawn into the kiss. He lets Nick lead and feels everything from him.
When Nick pulls away, he just breathes, eyes still closed, lips parted slightly. As he opens the eyes, he can't hold back the welled-up tears any longer and they fall. He just stares at Nick for a long moment.
He looks at Michael before pressing another kiss to his lips, this one quick but no less caring. A second later, he pulls away and hold Michael to him, letting him cry, petting his hair and kissing him softly on the top of his head.
If I ask you to never do that again, will you promise me you won't? I don't want to make you promise that, but, Nick... it almost hurt. If you can explain to me a way that it won't hurt... Nick, it was almost like he was back, like he was here. That's why... that's why I can't. Nick...
None of them will ever be him. None of them can ever be him. But you've got to let them be themselves. Let each kiss be from who it's from...not from him. You can't forget him...I know you can't. And you shouldn't. But you have to forgive him for leaving you alone. And you have to stop thinking you are alone. Because you're not. Because no matter how many kisses I do or don't give you...you are loved.
I know you're not him and it wasn't him, but Nick... it was so much *like* him. I'm sorry.
He pulls away and looks at Nick, tears still falling. "I loved him, so much, Nick. So much. I didn't think I could love anyone that much. Ever." He lowers his head. "And now... all of this. It's too much."
"How do you think I felt when David died, Michael? We were together for almost two hundred years. And then he was gone. I didn't even know how to function anymore after that. I killed..."
His eyes go dark.
"I let out my beast, Michael, and I let it roam. You saw me, Michael. You saw what I became."
He rests his forehead to Michael's and looks at him.
"You can't let it eat you. You can't. It's hard...but...do you really think he'd want his death to kill you?"
"His death did kill me, Nick. Killed, the other version of me. Gabriel. I can't let anyone ever call me that again. I can't." He sighs. "Not even her."
But, it's because of her, Nick, because of her that all of this is coming back. The emotion, the pain. I'd buried it all for so long, I don't know how to deal with it now. What am I supposed to do?
One hand reaches up to slide around Nick's neck. "Kiss me again. Please. One more time."
I know, Nick. God, I know. It's heavy and it hurts and I think it's why I keep doing things... saying things that confuse her.
"I don't want to hurt her, Nick." He bites down on the next thought that was creeping forward - 'I need her.' - he buries it; he has to; and hopes Nick didn't read it.
He leans forward, slowly. This is different. It's different than asking Nick to do it. He has to see if he can; he needs to know. He leans forward, drawing Nick toward him with the hand resting on his neck and presses his lips, lightly, to Nick's, then he parts them a little and presses in more, deepening. It's gentle and tender and he needs it.
*Tom walks by the hole in the wall on his way to his old room to pick up a few books he kept there. He glances through the hole, and walks a step forward before his head turns and he looks through it again. His brow furrows. Nick and... Michael? Kissing?
That... is unexpected. Wary of any mind readers more powerful than he, he continues on his errand with his mind on neutral topics. He plans on having a quite enjoyable chat with Isabel once he returns to their room.*
Michael, notice anything farther than right against his face? Not a chance. He's focused all of his concentration on just this.
The kiss continues and the only other thing in his mind is that it's different - different from the way Isabel kisses him. This is comforting; Isabel is... something else that he can't quite describe.
And he does, this time with a little heat, a little desire. Michael is an attractive man, and knowing what he knows about him...makes him even more desirable. Michael should know that, know that he's a catch, know that he's wantable and lovable and that he's worth that, worth all that.
And he feels it - all the desire, the heat, everything Nick wants him to feel; he feels it. He may not necessarily believe all of it, but he feels it and the feeling may convince him better than any words ever could.
His tongue slides forward to trace over Nick's lips, softly. He doesn't know why he's letting this continue, but it's just... comforting. It's Nick.
He picks Michael up then, not breaking the kiss, never breaking it because that might mean he won't have another chance. He picks him up carefully and deposits him on the bed, hands on either side of Michael's face as he holds him, kisses him, tastes him.
He wraps his arms around Nick as he's carried. He doesn't care where he goes, he just holds on. It's been so so long since he's kissed another man like this. And he hasn't had that many chances to kiss Isabel like this, but still, with her it was a whole different set of emotions.
He pulls away from the kiss, slowly, letting it linger a bit. He looks up, directly into Nick's eyes. Now, go... be with David. He needs you too. and it's sincere and honest and he would love Nick to stay, but he can't keep him from his love. Go.
And he hauls Michael up, undressing him carefully and tucking the covers around him. He grins, presses a soft kiss to Michael's forehead, and heads out.
Take care, Michael. I'm right down the hall if you need us.
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"What's up, Michael?"
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He keeps pacing, more just wandering, sort of like a caged lion. "First, I should thank you for last night. If I didn't." He blinks and stops for a brief moment. "I needed that, maybe even more than I knew."
He's moving around again, trying not to hit the wall or something. He knows he's probably driving Nick crazy, but he can't stay still.
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That's all he says, but his gaze is on the other man. The word says many things. First, that no thanks were necessary. Second, that Michael can do as he likes for his comfort. And lastly...to get to the point.
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He picks up a knife and taps it against his fingers, idly. At least he's stopped wandering around.
Looking at the knife and not at Nick, he says, after a breath, "I almost begged you to kiss me last night." He closes his eyes, not that Nick can see that, and holds his breath - it's subconscious, but he realizes it and doesn't exhale immediately.
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"You what?"
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"I don't pry...but some things scream straight through my control."
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He's quiet a moment.
"Nick, I might have to leave for a while or something. I... I don't know what to do. I can't be around Isabel because it hurts that I can't even touch her. At all. Even just as friends. I swear, if I'd held her much longer the other day, Tom would've tried something."
He shakes his head. "And now, apparently, I can't even be around you without... shit, this is just too hard, Nick. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
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He knows. But Michael has to say it.
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Though, this time... "Shit, Nick. I don't even know. Like, last night. I wasn't gonna ask that, but, then you were there and I asked and I hardly realized that I had until you were there, touching me. And... and... I don't know what I would've done if I'd actually asked you to kiss me and you'd done it. Most people who try it get thrown into a wall or decked in the jaw, but, last night..." he sighs and sinks to the floor, almost a boneless heap, but he's still upright-ish. "I almost... and..." he looks up at Nick, "it scared me."
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But Nick's on the ground, eyes soft and arms already around him, nose nuzzling gently along his cheek as he projecting as much soothing, calm emotion as he can.
"Do you want me to kiss you? I'm asking you...and now it's yes or no. Your choice. Your needs."
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The arms around him are comforting, they would have been with or without the projected emotions.
He swallows hard and leans his head against Nick's. "I don't know." and it's very honest; he doesn't know; he doesn't know if he wants to know. Then, slowly, he nods his head, the rest of his body mostly limp, but he nods against Nick's head. Yes. Please. Just once.
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And then he pulls back and looks at him.
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When Nick pulls away, he just breathes, eyes still closed, lips parted slightly. As he opens the eyes, he can't hold back the welled-up tears any longer and they fall. He just stares at Nick for a long moment.
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Shhhh...I've got you.
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If I ask you to never do that again, will you promise me you won't? I don't want to make you promise that, but, Nick... it almost hurt. If you can explain to me a way that it won't hurt... Nick, it was almost like he was back, like he was here. That's why... that's why I can't. Nick...
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He pulls away and looks at Nick, tears still falling. "I loved him, so much, Nick. So much. I didn't think I could love anyone that much. Ever." He lowers his head. "And now... all of this. It's too much."
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His eyes go dark.
"I let out my beast, Michael, and I let it roam. You saw me, Michael. You saw what I became."
He rests his forehead to Michael's and looks at him.
"You can't let it eat you. You can't. It's hard...but...do you really think he'd want his death to kill you?"
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But, it's because of her, Nick, because of her that all of this is coming back. The emotion, the pain. I'd buried it all for so long, I don't know how to deal with it now. What am I supposed to do?
One hand reaches up to slide around Nick's neck. "Kiss me again. Please. One more time."
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And he does. The same way, slow and sweet and caring. Eventually, though, he pulls away, eyes still on Michael.
You can't bury things, Michael. They always come back...and they're even more painful.
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"I don't want to hurt her, Nick." He bites down on the next thought that was creeping forward - 'I need her.' - he buries it; he has to; and hopes Nick didn't read it.
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"I know you don't."
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That... is unexpected. Wary of any mind readers more powerful than he, he continues on his errand with his mind on neutral topics. He plans on having a quite enjoyable chat with Isabel once he returns to their room.*
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The kiss continues and the only other thing in his mind is that it's different - different from the way Isabel kisses him. This is comforting; Isabel is... something else that he can't quite describe.
Kiss back, Nick.
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His tongue slides forward to trace over Nick's lips, softly. He doesn't know why he's letting this continue, but it's just... comforting. It's Nick.
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Thank you. Needed this too.
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"I'm very tired now, Nick."
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"I figured. Let's get you in bed."
And he hauls Michael up, undressing him carefully and tucking the covers around him. He grins, presses a soft kiss to Michael's forehead, and heads out.
Take care, Michael. I'm right down the hall if you need us.
And he's gone.
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